College Dating in the Age of Tinder
Boston College made headlines when professor Kerry Cronin offered students extra credit for asking another student on a date. Cronin felt dating was a “lost social script” and was alarmed that students didn’t know how to actually date. Instead, she noticed college students just hung-out together. Some of Griffin’s parameters included asking someone out in person and couldn’t involve alcohol, kissing or sex.
Some students asked for advice on how to actually ask someone out on a real date. But is it really necessary to date the old-fashioned way? In the world of Tinder, college students can lean on the dating app to help break down barriers and launch relationships. Gone are the days when you need to strike up a conversation with someone before asking them out. But is it worth it?
Here are some of the pros, cons and tips and tricks to college dating in the age of Tinder.
Pre-qualify your hook-ups
Whatever your definition of hooking-up, Tinder can make it easier to pre-qualify potential dates before you ever meet. Once you like one another’s profiles, you can get to know each other and see what their sense of humor is like. But remember to ask deeper questions as well, whether about their ambitions or significant moments, to see how they respond. The more you can get a sense of someone over a messaging app, the more you have a shot at translating that experience into a face-to-face meeting.
Take the awkwardness out of meeting
No matter how much pre-qualifying you do, you may end up with a dud on your hands when meeting face-to-face. People can put on whatever front they want over a messaging app, but awkward silences and pauses are bound to happen in person. Remember that the person may just be nervous or feeling vulnerable. Focus on their endearing qualities instead of their first-meeting jitters.
Start by meeting in a safe, public space like grabbing coffee or going to a museum where you can talk but still be in a crowd. It’s also wise to hatch an escape plan. Ask a friend to call with an emergency about an hour into the date to give you an out as needed. It’s also wise to ask someone to check-in on you towards the end of the night to make sure things are still going smoothly and you haven’t grown tired of this not-so-chance encounter.
Make the most of dating
Even if you meet someone from campus on Tinder, it’s still dating. There’s an art to advancing a relationship and making the most of your time together. Focus on getting to know each other and having fun on the first few dates.
By the third or fourth date, make a gesture to show you’re enjoying their company and want to keep dating. Consider a small gift, gourmet gift basket to enjoy together or send a bouquet of flowers. Showing someone you think of them even when you’re not together speaks volumes more than an instant message or text.
Find friends
The rising trend on college campuses is to find friends, socialize in a group, and pair-off for physical intimacy. The college jobs startup WayUp surveyed 200 college students and found 58 percent said they had never actually gone on a date using popular dating apps. Instead, 53 percent say they’re using them to find friends and 27 percent were looking for a significant other. Whether you’re using Tinder to make friends first and date later, or simply find a social group with similar interests, dating apps can break down barriers and make it easier to meet and connect.